Colossians 3:21

Colossians chapter 3, verse 21, fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Then if you would to the book of Ephesians, chapter 6, in verse 3. Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 3. And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and the admonition. of the Lord. May God bless to us his sacred and holy word this morning. By Roman law, known as Patria Protestos, the all-powerful father. In Paul’s day, a father had virtual life and death power over his family. A father could cast out any family member, put anyone to death, sell them as slaves, and be accountable to no one. A newborn child was placed at the feet of the father to determine its fate. If the father picked it up, the child would be brought into the home and kept. If a father turned away from the child, the child would be left there to die. simply disposed of, much as they dispose of, aborted babies today. Sometimes discarded infants, if they were strong and healthy enough, were collected each night, and they were to be sold as slaves, or sometimes even as prostitutes. Such absolute power given to a father led to abuse and mistreatment children. Now, while fathers, and indeed parents, have a great amount of authority given to them by God, as we saw in verse 20 last week in our previous study, that children are to obey their parents in all things. Scripture balances this in verse 21 by telling fathers not to provoke their children to anger. what Paul commands here is still very relevant for our day and for our age. Children are frequently mistreated by fathers and scarred at times for life because of it. Christian fathers, however, are to act differently from the world around them. And let us then look at this particular teaching carefully, so we may avoid doing what God forbids here. Let me begin by saying this. As a father, you are to have a right view of your children and your responsibility. The two key individuals mentioned here are fathers and children, or their father and child. So you should have a child. Christian view of your children. Let’s start with this. The prevailing view of children in our society is that you get the impression that some of they’re sort of a nuisance or a curse. Women often use abortion to deal with unwanted pregnancies. The child is simply killed, disposed of, so it doesn’t disturb or disrupt. their lifestyle. Children are often considered a problem. How do you, you know, how often do you hear or read about child abuse taking place and severe beatings and severe beatings and massive bruisings and so forth? Family planning centers run on government funding. Our tax dollars promote abortion and are engaged in slaughtering thousands of children constantly. Even liberal churches apply moral pressure against having children. They talk about the population explosion. They talk about food shortages. They talk about overtaxing the earth’s resources. So there’s this whole idea where we let’s curtail the population birth of children. Now the Christian view of children has to be completely different than that. We find it in the book of Psalms, if you would, chapter 127. If you would turn there with me, let us see how God tells us to view children in his word. Here’s what the spirit tells us here in verses 3 through 5 of Psalm 127. low children are a heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is his reward as arrows are in the hand of a mighty man so are children of the youth happy is the man that has his quiverful of them they shall not be ashamed they shall speak with the enemies in the gate the word for heritage here is similar to our word inheritance something that’s passed down to you from a relative or a a parent. The Bible says that God passes down from you from heaven if you would. Children, they are his gift gift to us in this life. He gives you offspring. Children don’t come haphazardly. For the Bible very clearly indicates us that God can either withhold children as he did with Rachel for a time. He shut her womb up or he can grant children as he did with the case of Hannah when she prayed for a child and God gave her Samuel. Of course God uses natural processes in creating children. After all, there’s only one virgin birth, and so he does use natural processes, but he makes the barren woman fruitful. He can give the barren woman a quiverful. If you were, just like arrows, he fills up the household with children. Contrary to society’s view, you should consider them a blessing and not a curse. Happy is the man. Blessed is the man that has this quiver full of children. A reward that God gives good men and women are children. Not out of debt, but out of grace. And the true believer can appreciate this gift of God. I read about Obed Edom in 1st Chronicles 26. He had eight children and then the Bible says, for the Lord had blessed him. If society were not so wicked and profane, it would value children. This is a good gift that God gives. It’s like the sunshine and the rain that God often gives the just and the unjust. He gives them children. They ought to appreciate it. It’s a good gift that he provides. But the ungodly often fail to see children as a gift of God, but they’re righteous. should see the children as a treasure, if you would. A real blessing, something precious, entrusted them to them by God. Now, with that view as we come to the issue of children, you have the primary responsibility then for raising children biblically as a father. Now, we’re not going to delve into it this morning because it’s not from Colossians, but we are as fathers. we are responsible to bring them up in the fear and the admonition of the Lord. Teach them a fear of God. Warn them from the scriptures, what God says, train them in the things of the Lord. That’s the responsibility Christian fathers in particular, but parents have. Fathers are mentioned here because they’re the head of the home, and the buck stops with them. They are primarily responsible for one. what happens in the home and the oversight and the bringing up of the children. And you have to answer to God for what happens in your home. Certainly, you can delegate authority of your wife, but you must be aware that and control, you have to be aware of and control the raising of the children. We were on Abraham that he would command his children after him. to keep the ways of the Lord. That’s what we see in Abraham. And chapter 18, we’re told this. Some men drop the ball right into the laps of their wives and say, well, I’ll bring home the bacon, you take care of the children. There’s a sense in which the father is responsible for the oversight of the home. Yes, there can be delegated authority, but ultimately, you are accountable to God. I once was, uh, was, counseling someone and I was telling him they, you know, the wife didn’t want to go to church and the children and I didn’t want to go to church. I said, look, you’re the husband. You’re the God, you’re the father. God holds you accountable for bringing your children to church. You’re accountable for these actions. The buck stops with you. And this is what we see here, that the father is accountable, ultimately, before the Lord. Yes, the wife is accountable. accountable in some ways too. But you ultimately are accountable. You’re the one that God is telling here about how you are to raise your children in particular. So your father is going to have to answer. You’re in charge. You are accountable. So as a father, you have to have a right view of children and your responsibility. The right view of children is that they are God’s gift to you. And we should count them as a blessing. And secondly, we have a responsibility to bring them up, Bill, Bill, Those are the things that should control this issue. Now, secondly, as a father, he tells us here, you must not provoke your children to anger. Now, you need to understand properly the idea of what this means to provoke your children to anger. This is sort of a general statement. We want to sort of delve into that a little bit. What does that entail? Let’s talk about what it doesn’t mean. to start. You’ll notice that the word anger here is added. It’s in italics. It’s not in the original, but I think it conveys the right idea here. Provoke not your children of anger does not mean that you never oppose or cross the desires of your children. Can you imagine if that was what it would meant? In other words, your decisions are not allowed to upset your children. I got news for you. If you raise your children biblically, there’s going to be decisions you make. They’re going to upset your children. You may have to withhold from your children something they desperately want. God never requires you to give your children everything they desire. God himself doesn’t give his children everything that they desire. You know, you’re a Giant Eagle, and it’s almost dinner time. Your child sees a chocolate bar or some candy, and he wants the candy, and you say, no, they may cry. They may be upset by them. that, well, that’s not provoking them the anger. You’re looking out for their benefit and they’re good. You don’t say to yourself, well, I don’t want to make Johnny angry, so I’ll just give them the candy. No, that’s not being a good parent. Nor does this phrase teach you that you should never discipline or spank your children. I don’t want to make them unhappy. Well, sometimes you have to make them unhappy and discipline them. God says to you as a parent, chasing thy children. son while there is hope and let not my soul spare for his crying in proverbs 1918 yeah they may cry they may be upset he says do it anyhow because it you need to train them up in the fear of the Lord so let’s get that out of the way that’s not what we’re talking about what do these words mean we should avoid doing doing things which would unnecessarily provoke your children to anger. You’re not to exasperate or embitter your children by the way you deal with them. Don’t cause them to rebel because of your unfair treatment of them or your impossible demands. Have you ever seen someone provoke a dog with a stick? Just get them mad? Get them vicious and nasty. We can sort of do that with children if you mistreat them. Usually mistreatment of children leads to two basic responses. Wrath where they’re burning with anger and they’re defiant and they resent your authority or discouragement where there’s apathy and indifference and silent frustration and they give up I can’t win. Our text talks about here discouragement. Don’t discourage them here. Now this word discourage here in this text. It’s the only place in the New Testament this word is found. It sort of carries the idea if I can give you a picture of it of taking the wind out of the sails. If you have a sailboat on the lake or on the waters or an ocean or something and there’s no breeze. There’s no wind in the sails. You take the wind out of their sails. And so they sort of just give up in a different They can’t do anything. So don’t frustrate your children in such a way to where they just throw up their hands in despair. You must not dishearten or dispirate or discourage them by treating them in some wrong fashion. Now, how you might provoke your children to anger and discourage. Let’s look at this specifically. First, denying your children basic necessities. You’re not that we hold from your children, those things that are rightly do them. Such as, you know, food and clothing and shelter and protection and oversight and education and things of this nature. You remember the scripture tells us Paul speaks about in 1 Corinthians 58 this. But if any provide not for his own, especially for those of his own household, they have denied to faith and is worse than an infidel. We have a responsibility to provide for our family. Those basic necessities that they have. Fathers and mothers can get so wrapped up in their own lives that they neglect their children, even basic care. We see this all the time in the news. You’ve heard about this kind of thing happening where children are living in rat-affected houses without food, where proper hygiene or medical care or even parental supervision at times. It’s a tragic situation. I once knew a man, he was a member of the church who grew up under great mistreatment. His father was a judge so his father could certainly provide for the family. However, his father divorced his wife, Al’s mother, and had married a new wife. Al’s stepmother hated him, he said. He was hated because, sadly, he looked like his mother. He looked just like his mother, and the second wife didn’t like it. And so she hated him. And so she said, he told me, she tried to starve him and not feed him. And then she tried to place him when he became weak into a home for the feeble-minded that he might be permanently removed from the house. He said he went to bed hungry all the time. Providentially, he said, however, we happen to live in a second story of a building where there was a fruit store downstairs. So at night, when everybody went to sleep, Al said, I snuck downstairs into the fruit store and ate as much fruit as I could possibly eat to hold me over for the next day. And that’s how he survived. But he admitted it deeply scarred him that he’d be treated in such a fashion by his parents. Now, this kind of neglect or mistreatment must never happen in a Christian home. Imagine how disheartening that would be to a child. Denying your children basic necessity. Secondly, giving your children unjust and unreasonable commands. You remember how the ungodly Saul commanded his son, Jonathan, to seize and bring David his friend, Jonathan’s friend, to him. was guiltless of any crime that he may put him to death. I want you to turn him over to me so I can kill him. Jonathan was inflamed with grief and anger because of this. He knew this was wrong. He knew this was unjust. He was provoked by it. We read in 1 Samuel 20, verse 34. So Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger and did eat no meat the second day of the month. For he was grieved. David. Because his father had done him shame, there was the impious Herodius, married to King Herodot. Unlawfully, as John the Baptist pointed out. And so she had it in for John the Baptist. One day her daughter, young daughter, danced before the king and his guest, and he said, hey, I’ll give you whatever you want up to half the kingdom. He was so pleased by her dancing. So she goes to her mother and says, well, what should I ask? And what did her mother say? Ask for the head of John the Baptist on a platter. That’s what you asked for. And she did. My friends, we don’t read that she was offended by this evil command, but can you imagine parents doing this to their children? Terrible thing. Some children commanded the lie for their parents. You know, the boss calls, tell them I’m not home. or to steal from the store because they’re little and they can get away with it. Or if they get caught, nothing serious is going to happen. But if the parent does it, they get into trouble. This should never happen at a Christian home, of course. Your children should never be placed in such a position. Now, obviously, we have to take into consideration here what our children are capable of doing and understanding. It’s unreasonable for you to command your three-year-old to mow the grass. use a lawnmower that’s too big or too dangerous for him. Maybe he can’t even pull the cord to get the motor started. It’s unreasonable. Remember, for the Egyptians to command the Israelites to make brick the same quota when they didn’t give them the straw. And then beat them for it afterwards, they said, well, this isn’t right. Well, there are parents that sometimes give their children commands that are really unreasonable. Don’t give your children more than they’re. are capable of doing for their age and then punish them if they can’t do it. You can easily exasperate your children. Now, your expectations must always be tempered by the abilities of your children. When Jacob, remember when he was returning home to his father’s house from his time with Laban and he had all his cattle and all the family with him, what did he tell? he saw when he met him. Speaking of his children, the children are tender, I will lead on softly according as the children are able to endure. I don’t want to go too fast. The kids aren’t able to keep, you know, to handle the speedy traveling. I believe it is good for parents to be demanding and to expect the best from the children, but I think the point is don’t be overly demanding and don’t demand the impossible. for your children at their particular age. Giving your children unjust and unreasonable commands. A third thought here, using reproachful language towards your children. When parents are seized with anger, they can rashly speak in a very abusive way toward their children. King Saul provoked his son Jonathan in this manner. Saul’s anger in 1 Samuel 20. Then Saul’s anger was kindled against Jonathan because he was protecting David. And he said to him, thou son of a perverse and rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse to thy own confusion and under the confusion of thy mother’s nakedness. How else could you provoke your mother, your person more than to revile his mother as a common prostitute and make Jonathan an illegitimate son or something of this nature. Now, hopefully no Christian parent would use that kind of language or use four-letter curse words in speaking to their children. People use profane and vulgar language that would make us blush if we heard it in and they’re speaking to little children. I remind you what Jesus said on the sermon on the Mount. Whosoever shall say to his brother, Raika, you idiot, you blockhead, you moron, you empty head, shall be in danger of the counsel. Why, you’re worthy of being severely punished for that. And then he goes on to say, but whosoever shall say thou fool, meaning a rebel against God or apostate, or merely someone who, not merely someone’s just acting in a foolish manner, but you’re basically. cursing this person, and damning them, shall be in danger of hellfire, Jesus said. Proverbs says, the wise and heart shall be called prudent, and the sweetness of his lips increaseth learning. That’s what we should do. I’m not saying we can’t be stern with our children, but our stern words should be seasoned with salt so that they have a gracious intention. using reproachful language. A forethought, abusing your children. The Bible says, spare not the rot. But this does not mean that we can physically abuse our children. We live in a day of frightening child abuse where children may be brutally kicked and punched and thrown down stairs and their hand held over a hot stove and who knows what else is being done. Now, the purpose of a spanking is being done. Now, the purpose of a spanking is, It’s not physical damage, it’s correction. It’s to get them to do the right thing. It’s not to abuse them, you know, and to give them, you know, some type of broken bones or scars or black eyes or something of this nature. I remember one time my dad was, he had his oak slap he used for spanking us. And he took it off of, we had these wagons that had these slats on the side of them, and he took it off. He came up there, and I’ll tell you what, there was a nail still standing. sticking through and it was out there and I’m thinking he’s going to hit me with that. It’s going to go into my bottom. I’m thinking, man, this is really going to hurt. Of course, he turns it over, but he scared me to death with that. I’m looking at that now and I’m thinking this is going to be bad. And, you know, we shouldn’t be doing anything of that nature. My dad didn’t do that, but he sure, you know, he’s scared the daylights out of me when I saw that. What would be like our Heavenly Father? in love for the purpose of benefiting, improving our child’s behavior. That’s what it’s all about. You’ll recall how Saul became so angry with his son, Jonathan, when he was defending David, he threw a jabble in at him to try and kill him. This is uncalled for. No wonder, you know, Jonathan gets up angry. Well, he ought to be angry at that behavior. The severity of the punishment should not exceed the weight of the crime. extreme punishments are unjust. Even under the law of God, when you read about the law of God and they were able to chasten people with the rod, remember what God said. Only 40 blows. No more. Else you would abuse and humble this person beyond measure. So they, you know, Jews always gave 39, save one. So they, you know, so they, you know, you know, you know, they, so, they didn’t make a mistake and go over. So they gave you 39. If God restrains punishment so that it’s not overly severe, then Christian parents should restrain, you know, punishment as well. We should punish our children when they do the wrong thing, but make sure that it’s appropriate punishment. So don’t abuse your children. Fifthly. Showing favoritism among your children. Also, can provoke them around. Now, there are two stories in scripture that bring this out. One is Isaac and Rebecca’s situation. They had two sons. They had Jacob and Esau. Now, Isaac liked Esau because he was a hunter, and he got the wild game. He brought the deer meat home. So Isaac loved him. Rebecca, however, loved Jacob, however, loved Jacob, because he was more of a homebody, and we make, you know, we see him making lentil stew and stuff like that, so he hung around the home, and he was more closely allied with Rebecca. Rebecca, of course, was the one that mastered mine, the stealing of the birthright away from Esau by Jacob. So Esau was angry, and he’s, you know, he seeks to kill Jacob, and Jacob had to flee his home and live with his uncle Label, all because we all this favoritism. in the household was not good. It caused problems. The second story we have, of course, is Jacob and Joseph’s situation. Jacob had 12 children, but he had one that was extremely precious to him, and that was Joseph. And he gives him this coat of many colors. It’s bad enough that the parents show favoritism, but the coat was like an open sign. Public sign of the favoritism that he gave. his son. Now the other 11th didn’t have that coat. Needless to say, this special treatment didn’t sit well with Joseph’s brothers. They hated Joseph. They mocked him. They couldn’t speak peaceably to him. And when they got a chance, they threw him in the pit and ended up enslaving him and got rid of him and got him out of a household. Now, these two examples ought to convince you and I of the wrongness of showing favoritism because it provokes children or wrath. each child is certainly gifted differently. We shouldn’t pick favorites, but we should try to emphasize the skills and the talents of each child, and each child has to be dealt with according to their abilities and their characteristics. So as a father, do not provoke your children in wrath. We talked about a proper understanding of that, and we addressed some of the issues that I think would apply in this case. Now, in Paul’s Day, Under Roman law, the fathers were all powerful. They could do whatever they wanted in the families. But such abuse of power is sinful and wicked. It leads to abuse and mistreatment of children. The Bible balances everything out. While he says you are to obey your parents and all things as children, it says to the parents, hey, bring them up in the fear and admonition of Lord, and don’t provoke your children to anger so they are discouraged. Don’t abuse the power you have. So as a Christian parent, you are forbidden to provoke the child to anger, and we’ve considered those various ways in which that could possibly be done. All of this, of course, is a general statement here in this passage about what we should do, and how is Christian parents we need to be careful in how we raise our children and do it in a way that would honor God and be pleasing in his sight. Let’s close when we do that.