Colossians 3:19

Colossians chapter 3 and verse 19 for our text and study in Colossians but we’ll also be looking at Ephesians 5. Husbands love your wives, be not bitter against them. And then if you’d back up a few pages to the book of Ephesians and chapter 5, I want to read verses 25 to 28. Ephesians 5 25 to 28. Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That he might present it to himself a glorious church. Not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but it should be holy. and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. May God bless to us his sacred and holy word this morning. A young man once went to his pastor to talk to him and made a confession. He said, I love my wife too much. He said, in fact, I think I put her on such a woman. a high plane, I fear it’s sinful. The pastor inquired, do you think you love your wife more than Christ loved the church? Well, the husband didn’t dare say that he did. And the husband, the pastor continued and said, well, that’s the limit to which we can go. For the scriptures say, husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church. So the pastor concluded, Every tender act of love expressed toward your life partner is proper, therefore it’s spiritual. Your Christian duty can be summarized by love. When it comes to your duty to God, you’re to love the Lord, your God with all your heart. When it comes to your duty to your neighbor, you’re to love your neighbor as yourself. When it comes to your duty to your wife, husbands, love your lives. Now, you might say this morning, I do love my wife, and think no more about it. Maybe you feel like you have done what’s required of you. However, I remind you that Paul teaches that you’re not only to love your wife, but you’re to love your wife as Christ loved the church. That puts things on a completely different perspective, doesn’t it? This puts the love you owe your wife in a completely different light. And who can, as a husband here, can stand and say, well, I’ve met that standard. We all have to hang our heads of shame and say, well, I have not done that. What a model for husbands to imitate. Christ himself. That’s a high standard, isn’t it? You know, the scripture tells us the love of Christ’s pay. as knowledge. It exceeds any description that really can be given to it. And the marriage relationship, as we have been pointing out all along, is the relationship, at least it’s a portray the relationship of Christ and his bride the church. A great mystery, yes. So it behooves us to look at Christ’s love for the church that we as husbands may know how we ought to love our wives. doesn’t that make sense? So we want to talk about the husband’s role in marriage. Last week we talked about the wife’s role in marriage. As a Christian husband, you are to love your wife. Husbands love your wives. That’s what the first part of Colossians 319 tells us. Now, when we think about love, we have to think about various aspects of love. I’ll begin by saying this. You should have a description. discriminating love for your wife. Christ loved the church. Ephesians 525. We sang this this morning. The Lord loves the righteous. Psalm 146, verse 8, he hate if all the workers of iniquity. Psalm 5.5. The Lord loved his own, which were in the world. If the world, if the Lord loves the church, and the world, then the parallel here between the husband and wife is lost. Is it not? Surely a man’s wife then becomes the only proper object of his affections. When you said your wedding vow, I’m sure within there, somewhere it said, forsaking all others. If your love goes beyond your wife, then, you’re being unfaithful. You can’t have multiple love partners. Paul says in 1st Corinthians 7, 2, let every husband have his own wife, meaning is one and only wife. Christ’s love is special, and it’s reserved for the church. Your love for your wife is special. It should be reserved for here alone. Let there be no adultery, let there be no secret lovers on the side, no allowing, your heart to be captivated then by another woman. It should be a discriminating love that you have for your wife. In the book of Proverbs in chapter 5, we read these words. The whole chapter is certainly one that would be good to read in regard to this whole aspect of unfaithfulness or adultery. But let me just read verses 15 through 20. Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad in rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own and not strangers with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant row. Let her breast satisfy thee at all times and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou my son? be ravished with a strange woman and embrace the bosom of a stranger. This passage of Scripture, the wise man counsels you to stay away from adulterous affairs because they are harmful and they are deadly. If in the heat of passion, if that heat of passion vexes you, quench it with water from your own well. Your own wife here. Find yourself. sexual satisfaction in your own wife. V, verse 15. For it’s better to drink clear running water from the sexual purity that you have in marriage than the muddy water of an adulterous affair. So quench or satisfy your love with your own wife who is a sanctified fountain. Why would you drink in pure water from a common river? followed by who knows what filth. And he’s saying spiritually in this case, do that with regards to sexual relations. Let your wife satisfy those desires. And you need to keep things within the confines of the marriage covenant. Let me make this observation. The Christian’s husbands need, Christian husbands need to follow Job’s example. He says, in Job 31-1. They made a covenant, a bond of friendship with my eyes. Why then should I think or ponder lustfully upon a maid or a young woman? He controls his desires. You should have a discriminating love for your wife. Secondly, you should have a constant love for your wife. Now, in the book of Ephesians chapter 5, in verse 26 and 27, we have the idea of the wife, the bride of Christ needing a cleansing, of being defiled in some capacity. A pure bride, out of a pure mass of creaturehood, was given to Jesus Christ by God the Father in eternity. However, his bride fell into a state of being unrighteous and being wicked through the fall of Adam. And so the church has spots and wrinkles. It’s sinful. Does Christ cast off his bride because she has these things? Does he renounce her? Does he withdraw his love from her? No, a thousand times no. He declares I have loved thee with an everlasting love love. Christ’s love for his wife is not diminished by his wife’s blemishes. He still loves her. Now, when you talk about the world’s love, you know how fickled it can be. A woman may be love for her physical attractiveness, her wit, her charm, her personality, her prestige, whatever the case may be. But if she loses any of those appealing features, then what happens? love may die, the man’s interest gets lost, he’s looking for someone else. If you don’t remain young and attractive, you may be cast aside. It happens all the time. Why do you think there’s such a high demand for plastic surgery? Because people want to look young. They want to look their best. However, as a Christian husband, your love is to be like Christ. It’s to be unwavering. Unwavering. If every appealing characteristic of your wife would disappear, your love must be constant. Now, I’ll remind you of the story of Josea and his wife Gomer in the Old Testament. The prophet Josea had a wife and through her, he has several children, but she becomes unfaithful. She runs off. She deserts him and leaves him. And takes up with another lover. It’s symbolic, really, of Israel’s desertion of Jehovah and pursuit of foreign gods. Of course, Gomer’s fling ended badly because she ends up destitute and a slave. Sort of like what happens to Israel. Same kind of thing. But Josea loves his wife, and he seeks her out, and he goes down to the slave market, and he buys her back. Fifteen. 15 pieces of silver and a homer and a half of barley to buy his own wife back. He mercifully restores Gomer to reform a position of honor as his wife. Now, friends, that’s a picture of Christ in the church and what he does for his people. Are there deficiencies in your wife? Are there faults? Are there flaws in your wife? Are there sins in your wife? Perhaps she’s not as puncture or as submissive as you think she should be? Maybe she turns out to be a terrible cook instead of a gourmet. Does she carelessly spend too much money? Is she beginning to lose her youthful good looks? The flower of her youth is fading? Maybe she has health problems that limit her with what she can do. Remember, your love toward her is to be like Christ. love her despite her her faults, despite her of physical beauty at times. Maybe your love is to be a constant steadfast love. You know, in your vows you said for better or for worse. Things may get better and they may get worse in life. If Christ loved his fallen bride, surely you can love your wife when lesser faults are present than what he had to deal with in the church. You should. should have a constant love for your wife. The third thought I have is this. You should have an intimate love for your wife. Doesn’t Christ take a delight in his bride? Isaiah 62 and verses 4 and 5. Thou shalt be called Hefzeba. My delight is in her. For the Lord delighteth in thee, and as a bridegroom rejoiceth over a bride, so shall the Lord thy God rejoice over the we look at the book of Song of Solomon, which is a picture of Christ the church, and it’s a marriage relationship that portrays it. And the picture there is the delight that they have in one another as husband and wife. Now, with this in mind, take an interest in your wife. Christ doesn’t treat his bride in an indifferent fashion. He shows a considerable interest in her welfare, and so should you with regard to your wife. Interest means listening to your wife when she’s speaking. There are times, you know, we have her head buried in a book or a newspaper or reading something or other or we’re not paying attention. We should pay attention when our wives are speaking. It means doing something with your wife. Talking with her about your concerns. It means whether you’re dealing with children or whether you’re dealing with a new toilet. See, whatever the case may be, you listen. You’re working together. You should try to show an interest in her hobbies and share your insights with regard to reading and the good experiences that you’ve had. Sometimes one of the best things you can do as a Christian husband is to relate a spiritual principle that you have seen from Scripture to your wife, to convey something spiritually beneficial to her. To discuss spiritual things. Maybe she’s read something. Take an interest in one another with regard to these matters. Work on building a delightful relationship with your wife. I always tell my wife, this is my running joke with her. You’re my favorite wife. I tell her all the time. You’re my favorite wife. She’s threatened to get me one to do all the work, and the chores around the house and then she could just stay my favorite wife, but she’s my favorite wife, I always tell her. We should take a delight in one another. We should appreciate the fact that a good wife is God’s gift to us, as the scriptures indicate. Give priority to your wife. Christ’s top priority, apart from God’s the Father’s glory, of course, was the bride, the church. And your husband, your wife, needs to know that she has first place in your life after God. The wife should come before your hobbies and your house and your job and even your children. Certainly your car. She needs to know where you place her in life. If she thinks she’s number four in the list, that’s not very high on the priority list. She may doubt your love. Remember the anniversaries, the birth dates, the other events, which are important to her. Take her into your confidence. Explain your thinking to her and the decision-making that you make. Show your wife, you love her. You know, over and over again, we read in scripture, God telling his people, Christ telling his people, he loves them. Christ loved me and gave himself for me. You know, Paul could say that. Church can say the same kind of thing. Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. Well, I wonder if I love you or foreign words to us if we ever say those things to our wife. Most women would like to have some verbal assurance of your love. You might say, well, she knows I love her. Well, sometimes she needs to be told that you love her. Even in sexual relations, you should be concerned to provide happiness and satisfaction for your wife so that it’s a mutually enjoyable experience. You should have an intimate love for your wife. life. Fourthly, and lastly, here, you should have a sacrificial love for your wife. One of the things that really stands out in Ephesians 525, when we talk about the love of Christ for the church, is this. He loved the church, and what did he do? He gave himself for it. Now, how can you have a higher form of love than that than lay down your life for the church? That’s the main characteristic of Christ’s love. It’s self-sacrificing. Christ gave his very life’s blood for the sake of the church. Now the Hollywood concept of love is what predominates our world. It’s all emotional. But if you look at the biblical concept of love, love is giving. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. On and on we could look at these passages of scripture. Husbands, love your wives, means sacrificing yourself on her behalf. Now, it may not mean the actual bloodshed. It may not mean actually dying. But give of yourself by working to provide for her financial support. To put it very basically this morning. Have you ever sacrificed anything for the sake of your wife? Your time, your energy, your day, whatever the case may be. Have you ever sacrificed what you desire to do, sports, fishing, you know, reading, spending time to spend time with your wife? Sometimes we have to give up things for the benefit of our wives. Is your love for your wife a giving love? As a husband, you are to love your wife as Christ love the church. A discriminating love, a constant love, an intimate love, and a self-sacrificing love we ought to have for our wives. Secondly, as a Christian husband, you are not to be bitter against your wife. Husband loves your wives, and be not bitter against them. The word bitter here is a word that’s taken from unpleasant and savory food that someone might taste and it’s not very, very tasteful to the palate. Your behavior as a husband toward your wife should be a pleasant and kind behavior. Not something that’s unsavory and harsh. You’re not to hate your wife. Now, Ephesians 5 in verses 28 and 29 talk about men loving their wives of their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself, for no man ever yet hateeth his own flesh, but nourish and cherishes it, even as the Lord the Church. It’s kind of productive to hate your wife. It’s like hating yourself, because you’re one. Now, some husbands were sort of like Amnon that we read about in the book of kings. Excuse me, a book of Second Samuel. Remember how love sick he was over Tamar? He was just infatuated with her. He had. He had to have her. And when he finally commits adult, or in this case, he commits premarital sex with her, the next thing you read, is Amon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred he had for her, exceeded the love that he first had for. Second Samuel 13, verse 15. Husbands can literally get to the point where they hate their wives. And some have even gone so far as they murder them. But somehow, some of them have brutally mistreated their wives. The law of God deals with the issue of the husband hating his wife and writing out of a bill of divorcement in Deuteronomy 24. Do you remember the story of Jacob? How that Jacob loved Rachel and he worked seven years that he might have her, but he was tricked into marrying her older sister, Leah. Jacob was not too pleased about it, and he ended up marrying Rachel also. But you remember how that created such a huge problem in the household. Jacob, we read in scripture, loved Rachel, but the Lord saw that Leo was hated. Genesis 29, 30, and 31. Leah wasn’t as beautiful as Rachel. And she was imposed upon Jacob against his will, really, by her father. So you can find that she was ignored to some extent. That Jacob didn’t take the delight in her that he took in Rachel. All his attentions, all his affection, was focused upon Rachel. Yes, it seems that Jacob took care of her and yes he had marital relations with her, but he didn’t really want to be married to her. It was an awkward relationship that he had. And God looked down upon that, saw that she was hated. Remember, he opened Leah’s womb. All of a sudden she starts burying children. But you can imagine how bitter he may have been toward Leah and those unpleasant early days of the marriage, because he got tricked with regard to marrying her. Because Rachel was really always delight. My friends, we’re not to hate our wives. We’re not to be that way. You are not to rule your wife rigorously in a tyrannical manner. That would be bitter, being bitter against her. Since wives are in, to be in subjection to their husbands, it’s certainly possible to abuse that situation. Some husbands rule with such an iron hand that they’re frightened wives are actually afraid. And so they’re like mere servants in the household. Some are so afraid to cross their husbands in the least of things because the repercussions will be so great. They cower before their husbands. Fearful that they’re going to go into some type of tirade. Perhaps take away privileges. Make it difficult for her. He’s the king of the house and she’s got to tell the line. She’s going to keep her mouth shut and do whatever he demands. Well, husbands, this isn’t the kind of relationship that Christ portrays with regard to the church. Your marriage shouldn’t be like that. You’re not to rule your wife vigorously in a tyrannical manner. Thirdly, you are not to behave towards your wife in a harsh, ill-natured manner. Extremely difficult for a wife if she’s married to a gloomy, surly, miserable, bad-tempered person. I remind you, poor Abigail, and the story that we have in 1 Samuel 25, who was married to Nabal, a man that’s described as churlish and evil in his doings. A difficult man to be around. The Bible indicates to us that he was such a man of Belial that a person couldn’t speak to him. You see how insulting he was toward David and his men, who has. had been very good to Nabal. He had an acid tongue on him. And scripture teaches let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you as Christians. You should be kind of the kind of husband who your wife, should you be the kind of husband that your wife is afraid to speak to? Because you’re ill-tempered. I know, I know husbands that are always, you know, we’re always cursing at their wives. Couldn’t say a good. thing with regard to their wives. No Christian husband should act like that. You’re not to have this ill-natured spirit about you. Fourthly, you are not to deny your wife what is her due. That would be bitter against her too. It’s sad that some wives suffer from neglect. You know, there are husbands who spend all the money at the casino and blow the week’s paycheck. They lose at gambling or something. Where the husband will not spend a dime to provide proper clothing for his wife and her clothes are all worn out. Forbids her to go see a doctor when she’s sick or the dentist when she has a toothache. Or she hasn’t given enough grocery money to really provide food for the family for the week. You’re not to deny your wife affection, care, provision, protection, or assistance. In the book of judges, read her story about a Levite who had a concubine wife. Well, she ran off from him and returned to her father’s house. So he dutifully goes after her and wants to woo her back and get her back home with him. So he goes after her. But as they’re making their long journey back home, they stop at Gibbya. Now there were some evil men in Gibbya who demanded of the Levites’ host that they’d be allowed to have sexual relations with the Levite, because they’re homosexuals. Instead of that, they sent out to these men the Levites’ concubine wife. And the scripture says they sexually abused her all night long, and she’s let go at dawn, and she’s struggled. to find the door of the house where the Levite is staying. And when he opens the door in the morning, there she is, laying at the door front, and she’s dead. He never protected her. He never took an interest in being, in her being so cruelly abused. It’s disgraceful when we think about it. If Christ provides all things necessary for his bride, the church, then you as a Christian husband, should see to the welfare and well-being of your wife. Let me give you a little quote from Matthew Henrich, I thought was good. The woman was taken out of the man, not out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his foot to be trampled on, but out of his side to be near him, under his arm to be protected, near his heart, to be loved. I think that’s a nice little statement with him. regard to our duty. So as a Christian husband, you’re not to be bitter against your wife. The young man who went to his pastor found out he really couldn’t love his wife too much because you can love your wife up to the point of Christ loving the church. Husbands, your duty is to love your wives so that you imitate Christ in his relationship to the church. Yes, this is a tall order. Who can really understand the depth of the love that Christ has for his church. So your duty to your wife is not something you can claim you’ve ever fulfilled. You can always love your wife more. And that’s what I encourage you to do is to love your wife even more as you belong in life. Appreciate having her as a gift from God. Well, let’s close with a word of prayer. Thank you.